Strapping On MySQL 5 Enterprise

There are times when an enterprise can’t help but find its way into the complex and difficult world of databases. Just imagine what the world would be like now if Google or Amazon had decided to go with a much simpler and easier to administer flatfile system. Of course, that would mean I’m assuming you know anything about databases, so I’d best start at the beginning. You’re likely here to learn about strapping on MySQL 5 Enterprise Edition and drilling it to your IT department. That’s what this article is about.

If you are considering any kind of database deployment in your enterprise there are a number of things you need to take into consideration, and that’s where I come in. In this article I’ll be writing about the questions you will most likely ask yourselves (and not get an answer… unless, of course, you talk to yourself) and help you with the answers. It takes a lot of work, trouble, time, toil, and money to build out a workable MySQL database server, so be prepared to get your elbows dirty.

One of the first things you will likely ask yourself is, “What can a database do for me?” That’s an excellent question, but sadly there’s little real data on how well databases work in real world applications. From my extensive experience with database systems from around the world I can tell you that data gets stored in databases and you you need a way to pull out that data to see it. Making use of that data is another article, so I won’t get into that. Rest assured, though, if you have a bunch of papers on your desk, and other people around you also have lots of papers on their desks, you might really need a database.

The second big question I get asked is, “What exactly is a database? You make it sound more like an animal than some software.” I do make it sound like an animal and that’s intentional. Databases are wild beasts which must be whipped into submission and then coddled to break their spirit. Another way to put it, if you don’t understand databases the way I do, is to think of it like a storage cabinet in the garage or a small garden shed. What you keep in there is important only when you need it, but when you do need it, its pretty easy to find. If you change it or upgrade it, you can toss out the old one and throw the new one in on a shelf or an empty paint bucket.

Databases are so much more than a shed, though. They think on their own and they can be aggressive and illtempered. Maybe it would be even better to consider that a database is more like a mix between a garden shed, a Lemur with distemper, and a pack of Hyenas with a bad case of the fleas. Maybe throw in a deer tick or two, as well. Databases, in general, should not be screwed with lightly. That’s why you need to fill it up and then break it of any bad habits before it gets out of control.

The third question I get asked is, “Once you have created a database how do people access it?” That’s easy enough, I’ll say, especially with MySQL. You can generally access any MySQL database by using very commmon SSSSSH Shell tools or Harbington Script Pathmarks codebooks. If you employ a Palm VPN with LycanCERT implementronics greater than version 11.33-2214 and a hash of 23459fjwo0iwef0i40wc0wf0w you’ll find things happen a lot easier. One of the more popular options is to write custom UI code using the Win32 libraries and porting them to Cocoa and Python, then compiling it against the TurboPascal header libraries for some extra flavor. You could also just use a browser.

Finally, I would reocmmend that you make sure you database is stored in a secure location so that it can’t get out at night and prowl around. Never, ever, ever leave cats or small dogs around the offices, either. Do NOT do this. Any scent of cat or dog fecal excretions will drive any database crazy and send it into a frenzy. This happened in 2007 when a soldier brought his cat long with him to the military shooting range, which resulted in this accident. Also, make sure you read the FAQ for the MySQL database system of you might wake up dead, lying in a pool of blood in your server room, a victim of careless database deployment.